If you haven’t heard the news by now, Winnie-the-Pooh is now a horror film since the source material is in the public domain. Once the news broke that the beloved character would become a horror villain, the reaction was nothing short of polarizing. Some saw it as a mean-spirited attempt to tarnish a children’s story, while others, such as myself, were intrigued by the idea. Why not change things up a little? Sadly, the movie Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey makes no attempt to be interesting, compelling, scary, or entertaining in the least bit.
The movie starts out with a very cool opening sequence that draws inspiration from the book in the form of drawings to reel the audience in. Christopher Robin (Nikolai Leon) grew up with his friends, and since he’s ready to go to college, Christopher is forced to leave his beloved friends behind to start a new life. For some reason, the gang are unable to fend for themselves and resorts to murder. They are angry that Christopher abandoned them and decided to kill Eeyore for food. A lasting hatred towards Christopher and humans, in general, fuels their rage.
Five years later, Christopher and his fiancé Mary (Paula Coiz) return to the 100 Acre Woods. Christopher wants to see his friends again, even though Mary believes the gang is part of Christopher’s imagination. The movie wastes no time getting to the point. Both Pooh and Piglet are alive and angry as hell. The rest of the gang decided all those years ago not to speak to each other again and have never been seen together. Christopher is aghast at the sight of his old friends and begs them not to hurt him and his fiancé. Pleading won’t help, and Pooh and Piglet enact their revenge, and the killing begins. Mary is killed before Christopher’s eyes, and he disappears soon after.
A short time later, a group of young women who I would assume to be University students arrive at the 100 Acre Woods and rent a cabin for a weekend of relaxation and quiet time. Not one of the women is remotely interesting, but I will note Maria (Maria Taylor), who is eager to get away from everything after encountering a stalker in her life. I’m not kidding when I say that all five women have either no personality or memorable scenes. They are treated as hopeless victims who can’t do anything to defend themselves and resort to screaming while the killer approaches them. How very exciting!
It doesn’t take long for Piglet and Pooh to figure out that more humans are on the premises, and the killing begins. Watching this movie was quite the experience and not for the movie itself. The audience in attendance was laughing at the movie, especially when seeing the killers on the screen. They appear more like big out-of-work wrestlers wearing masks instead of a bear and a pig. It’s rather silly, but on the other hand, I think it’s intended to be. Besides the killing, the stalking, the weak dialogue, and the horrific acting on display, the movie does feature some impressive gore effects.
There isn’t a single character to root for as they are poorly developed and not memorable in the least bit. I love the idea of the women hopelessly crying and holding each other while not figuring out what to do as the killers approach. They are beyond dumb, which makes the movie frustrating to watch. Didn’t we see plenty of this crap with those cheesy slashers from the ‘80s? Give us someone to root for. You would think a movie like this would be campy fun, but it makes the fatal mistake of taking itself a little too seriously. Even Sleepaway Camp is better than this!
Maria has a gun at one point, more like a hand cannon that Dirty Harry would have in his collection, and even when she has the opportunity to shoot, she does nothing but stare and remains quiet. The movie is depressingly boring and would be appropriate at one of the midnight horror festivals where audience members regale with laughter and throw popcorn at the screen. I would say it’s so bad it’s good due to the amount of laughter from the audience and myself, but there is nothing to appreciate here. While the gore is fantastic, the chasing scenes are shockingly awful. The camera is not steady, and it appears that the cameraman either lost their footing or had trouble maintaining balance when filming. The only thing I did enjoy was the musical score, even if it does drown out some dialogue at certain times. But then again, that’s probably for the best.
Score 1 out of 5
This low-budget movie does well in the gore department and looks quite effective. It doesn’t look cheap and shines with its practical effects, but everything else sucks. The acting is weak, the scares are minimal and cliché, the characters all deserve to die based on their sheer stupidity, and writer, director, co-producer, and editor Rhys Frake-Waterfield does a poor job of establishing suspense or delivering a good story. It’s all just setups, beatdowns, and slashing. It gets old, and we, as horror fans, deserve better.
This might have worked as a twenty-minute short film project, but to spend one-hundred minutes of your life watching this makes us want to cry with pain and laugh at our gullibility. Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey wastes everything. Our time, energy, and excitement for a new vision of a beloved classic. For one thing, Winnie-the-Pooh will remain a treasure in our hearts while Blood and Honey will be sitting in the bottom of that honey pot, never to be eagerly consumed.