In a move that sent shockwaves through the movie industry today, AMC Theaters made the blunder of a lifetime and accidentally revealed the runtime of Avengers: Infinity War. In what can only be called the most egregious mistake ever made by a major corporation, AMC betrayed the trust of Disney, Marvel, and children everywhere by letting this crucial piece of information slip through their popcorn-buttered fingers. You may want to turn back now, because the rest of this article will contain sensitive, spoiler-filled information that is not for the faint of heart.
The runtime for Avengers: Infinity War? Well, it clocks in at five full days. That’s right folks, put your vacation requests in now, because you will need an entire week off work in order to immerse yourself in this orgy of superhero delights. How else are you going to give screen time to upwards of seventy-six comic book characters, all while weaving together a tapestry of intrigue that somehow connects eighteen Marvel Cinematic Universe films? And this is after editing it down from a solid month of footage. There really is no other way to do the story of Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet justice.
If you’ve managed to keep your rapt attention focused on this article up to now, then a few more spoilers won’t hurt. The entire plot of the movie consists of the Hulk defending Dr. Strange from a malpractice lawsuit, and Captain America and Thor both die of protein overdoses.
Okay, fine, just kidding. The real runtime of the movie is two hours and thirty-six minutes. Now though, it doesn’t seem as long, does it? And if you made it this far, then you’re the real hero.