Welcome to the Weekly Trailer Roundup, where we count down the top five trailers released in the past week, “top” being defined any way we want to at the moment…exciting, ridiculous, best, worst…
These are the trailers that, for one reason or another, you should be paying attention to.
Sex. Sorry, I know it’s a difficult word to hear (or read, as the case may be), but let’s face it, there are plenty of films that talk about sex, include scenes hinting at sex, and there are even films all about sex – I’ve heard. And, with the immeasurable artistic and financial success of the penetration-heavy (I assume) Fifty Shades of Gray, it’s only a matter of time before every single film (from the next inevitable Spongebob feature, to the upcoming Power Rangers adaptation) features some form of coitus. So, this week we honor the trailers for films that look like they have the best shot at competing in the future horizontal-mambo-mambo market; by which I mean, the sexiest looking trailers. Again, apologies for making you experience sex so many times in that paragraph.
#5 – The Longest Ride
Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to put up a Fifty Shades trailer. It was supposed to be a trailer for that new Nicholas Sparks adapta….wait, this the right trailer? Huh. I guess the ropes, gyrations, and crying threw me off.
#4 – Cinderella
Now here’s a potential successor to Fifty Shades of Grey. You don’t see it? What Fifty Shades is doing for people with a bondage fetish, Cinderella will undoubtedly do for those with a shoe fetish.
#3 – Crimson Peak
True, there’s no actual sex in this trailer, but the film does feature Tom Hiddleston (surprisingly popular with the ladies for a guy who got popular wearing a green cape and whining about never getting what he wants) and Charlie Hunnam (whose bare abs and bottom were a frequent feature on Sons of Anarchy). So, it’s only a matter of time before the two of them get it on.
#2 – The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Now this one might be going a little too far. First we get scenes of two men traveling around the world engaging in catty but playful banter. Then, we get a shot of a woman’s naked back. Naked back! Where’s a red band when you really need it?
#1 – Trainwreck
Oh, there it is. But in all seriousness, does anyone else find it weird the comedy film featuring a professional wrestler orgasming appears to have a better understanding of sex than the one based on a porn – sorry, romance – novel?
And the trailers that weren’t as sexy: