Welcome to the Weekly Trailer Roundup, where we count down the top five trailers released in the past week, “top” being defined any way we want to at the moment…exciting, ridiculous, best, worst…
These are the trailers that, for one reason or another, you should be paying attention to.
It isn’t easy being a professional actor or actress – hours spent standing under hot lights, paparazzi following you everywhere, tabloids digging through your garbage, critics picking apart your performance. It must be next to impossible to shut out all the noise and make a decision on which projects to choose. But that’s where we come in. We care. We want to see our favorite thespians make good decisions so they can keep churning out quality work for us all to enjoy. So this week we offer some unsolicited advice to some of our favorite actors.
#5 – Focus
Dear Ms. Robbie,
You are a beautiful, talented actress with a bright future ahead of you. We understand you had a huge breakout performance in last year’s The Wolf of Wall Street, and that it couldn’t have been easy to pick a follow-up film. We just wish it wasn’t this one. Sure, you seem to be in capable hands with director Glen Ficarra and John Requa (Crazy Stupid Love), but your co-star? The guy’s not exactly on a winning streak, and that’s pitting it kindly. We’re sure you could still smell the stench of After Earth on him in your scenes together. Be careful, Ms. Robbie – working together is one thing, but if you hear him start talking about thetans or auditing, you walk away. And if he brings up the idea of doing a movie with one or both of his offspring – you run, Margot! Run!
#4 – Two-Bit Waltz
Dear Mr. Macy,
We understand you’ve worked with David Mamet on numerous occasions before, and that you’re probably friendly with the whole Mamet clan. After all, you seem like an affable guy. But working under the direction of David’s 20 year-old daughter for her first feature film, which looks like the work of a spoiled rich girl who’s seen one too many Wes Anderson films??? Mr. Macy . . . blink twice if you’re being held against your will somewhere deep within the bowels of the Mamet compound. We care about you, sir. Godspeed.
#3 – A Merry Friggin’ Christmas
Dear Everyone Who Worked on A Merry Friggin’ Christmas,
For shame. We know when you were making this debacle you had no idea it would be Robin Williams’ last film, but this is what you get when you dance with the devil. By the looks of it you’ve managed to make a Christmas movie that will make Christmas With the Kranks and Deck the Halls look like Miracle on 34th Street and It’s a Wonderful Life in comparison. All of you are better than this. Yes, even you Clark Duke.
#2 – Sex Ed
Dear Haley Joel,
Is it Haley Joel or just Haley now? Maybe you’re trying to do a whole ‘re-branding’ thing. We know things have been tough, what with – wait, what’s that? You got a job? Acting? In a movie? That will play in theaters – actual movie theaters? Wow. . . we’ve got . . .nothing to say. You get it, Haley!
#1 – Tomorrowland
Can we call you George? We feel like we can. Look, we get it – lavish Italian weddings don’t pay for themselves. Good Night, and Good Luck isn’t putting Dom Perignon in Brad’s toasting flute, or rare orchids at the center of Julia’s table. That takes cash. Serious cash. Disney cash. But we just can’t help but feel let down by the idea of the classiest leading man in Hollywood doing a movie based on a section of Disneyland. It’s not even a ride! You used to be cool, man. You used to be so cool.
The other stuff: